02.02.2020 – 20 grams – A Voyage to the Other Side


I’ve spent days writing this article. The task was long and difficult, and I dithered over whether I should even publish it. What possible use could anyone but me even have for it? In the end though, I was convinced that the story alone could simply be intriguing, as personal stories often are, and that above all it could serve as an example of the process of integration (which I myself began as I wrote the very words you see in the paragraphs below).

I’m also going to share a few of my thoughts on something positive I managed to glean from this “alien” experience, writing an honest account of everything I realised. Keep in mind though that it being real for me does not mean it will be for everyone. I write regardless, in the hope that this trip can provide some useful insights, at the very least on the question of safety. While my opinions on the meaning of the story are obviously subjective, I hope the message of avoiding harm can be considered objectively valuable. Indeed, certain consequences can be worse still than any physical death. Therefore, prudence and responsibility are always necessary when managing challenging doses of psychedelic substances, the dangers of which are very real especially if you lack knowledge, experience of both.

What is integration?

Not even two days have passed since this tremendous trip. I’m still processing and I believe that starting to write might be the best way to go forward. All my efforts to verbalise up until now have been fruitless; every time, I find myself lost for words. I’d like to manage to extract what happened from my mind, as I know that nothing happens by chance and everything has meaning that can be put to use in one’s personal evolution. A potent psychedelic experience is no exception to this general rule. To me, remembering is the first step of integration – or rather, finding some meaning in what one has experienced internally during a trip. This is especially true, of course, with doses such as this which are especially high.

The integration process can be carried out in a multitude of ways. Writing is merely the method that feels most natural to me, but I’m planning to return to this key topic and explore it a little so that the psychonauts reading this can benefit. Taking home something useful is the very meaning of these interior explorations, and integration is the act of doing just that.

Years of preparation

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve consumed psilocybin mushrooms, but from my first encounter with the fungi I’ve always strived to slowly up the quantity, increasing it and then decreasing it. Quite often, I’ve repeated the same dose in different contexts and personal situations to test my response. Every time, I’ve been aided by curiosity and a desire for knowledge, having always wanted to understand and learn more. At the beginning, I had very little information at my disposal and I merely experimented. In time though, I gained the experience necessary to adventure into higher and higher doses.

First must come indispensable information, and then the corresponding experience, in that order. I want you to remember this, and never underestimate its importance.

I’ve never experienced problems, let alone a bad trip, but I have always paid attention to having the best Set & Setting possible. The largest amount of mushrooms I’d consumed on this journey had been 12 grams on three occasions, so I was feeling ready enough to take my chances on a higher quantity – this time, meaning 20 grams. I was lucky enough to receive an osteopathic treatment the night before, with the reassurance that I was in good physical shape to tackle this extreme experience. Lastly, the date was a fantastic final push to support my decision. You want to be looking for rare palindrome numbers but also to coincide with Candlemas, the festival of light, as this moment in the year has a very special energetic quality.

Intention

Some consume mushrooms with recreational intent – obviously, we’re talking small quantities, and even then I struggle to get what’s fun about it – but as soon as the quantities start getting more significant, so does the importance and usefulness of having intention. Intention being the motive for which you decide to consume a “committed dose” – a dose which inspires respect. Given that a high dose will not be “fun” in a recreative sense to pass the time, so why would you want to jump into such an intense and potentially destabilising experience? This is the meaning of intention, which can be specific or generic but must always be present. Some examples of general intentions would be: gaining self-knowledge; experiencing real consciousness; or exploring the mysterious depths of the real psyche. If they are explicit in the mind and truly felt, these are all excellent motives. Anyone consuming a heroic or extreme dose must always have intention. Doing it just to try it is dangerous, just as doing it to escape something will take you right to that which you’re trying to escape from.

This time, my intention was very specific: I wanted to explore the moment of my birth. Perhaps you’ll be aware that how we’re born determines the pattern we find ourselves living in life. Stanislav Grof wrote a few interesting things about this, and devised a breathing technique too called Holotropic Breathwork, which shows you – and helps you to undo – the emotional and energetic patterns which have formed at birth and continue to determine how you’ll live your life. My birth was a long ordeal – over 24 hours – and proved very tiring and painful for myself and my mother. This prolonged, fatigued entry into the world, in fact, is something I recognise in all the life experiences I can recall. Therefore my goal was to throw myself right in there, and perhaps be able to heal and let go of some of that pain. When trying to transform and integrate a painful pattern that has been hidden deep within you, getting to your consciousness is often the first step.

Those 20 grams of dry mushrooms

20 grams of dry mushrooms are a quantity to behold – equivalent to a whole bowl. I passed them through a coffee grinder and put the powder in a glass jar. Then I squeezed two juicy lemons and poured all of it in. I closed the cover, gave the jar a good shake and left it to sit for around 20 minutes. This method of consumption is called Lemon Tek and it reduces the time of accumulation but does not (contrary to what some might believe) increase the mushrooms’ potency. The come-up happens earlier and quicker but the principal psychoactive effects are the same, although you’ll find various dumb opinions on this topic online. The rapidity of consumption and the speed with which the effects grow can give the impression you’re getting a stronger dose, but this is not so.

Set & setting

In the meantime I prepared the space in which I’d be taking the trip: in my room with a futon on the floor. The rules were those used for Terence McKenna’s “Heroic Dose”: stomach empty from the night before; complete silence; alone. How did I feel? Well, I’d been preparing for weeks. And as I felt the date growing nearer, my agitation grew. To give you an idea of the state of mind I was in, the thought of drawing up a will crossed my mind more than once, but I then realised (sensibly) that doing so would only give weight to my fear of death. And anyway, the fear seemed a little exaggerated – this is what I told myself, though not without suspicion – as I know full well that to end up dying I would have had to multiply the dose by 100, taking around 2,000 grams rather than 20.

But the low-level physical risk is a very different beast to the emotional and mental risks involved. This is where the real fear comes in. Some maintain, and in my opinion they’re right, that intense experiences on a psychoactive substance can irreparably damage the etheric body. This is the body upon which we perform acupuncture to understand each other, so everyone must be encouraged to proceed with great caution. Indeed, “ripping” something out of yourself on an energetic, emotional and mental level can leave you more or less electrocuted!

Aside from the meticulous preparation done during the preceding weeks, I could depend on the knowledge that my previous experiences had all been wonderful – some challenging moments, yes, but never distressing or risky. Across many decades of practice I’ve learned to have some sort of centering which at times surprises me. Thanks to this, I’m convinced that the base of my birth was solid enough. If you’re thinking of taking on challenging experiences yourself – which I would obviously not advise – you’ll need to take a serious look at yourself and ask the same question, because once you’re in it, you can’t press pause.

The only serious unknown was the solitude. Yes, the experience was naturally undertaken alone, but there was no one in the area either. In the case of difficulty, I would have had to call someone on the phone. In hindsight, I definitely wouldn’t have been in a fit state to call anyone, let alone recognise a telephone. A sitter would have been preferable, but finding one able to adequately assist me was impossible: I didn’t know anyone who fitted the bill, and none were available. To get a better idea of what I mean, you can read my article on The Ideal Trip Sitter!

Considering the all important quantity and the occurrence of the Candlemas, I dedicated particular attention to protecting the energy of the room. You might think this is just some new age nonsense, but not me. In my mind, it’s all about the value one places upon ritual and preparation. My subconscious mind believes in it and therefore I owe it to myself. If in this way the 95% of me feels safe and secure, why not?

The traditional substances used to purify or protect people and places are numerous. And so I used traditional methods. Indeed, I find it hard to believe that our ancestors were all ignorant and didn’t know what they were doing. Therefore, I positioned four pots full of salt at the four corners of the room, then cleansed the place with White Sage. Finally, I lit some incense and recited a purification mantra a few times.

The rituals have profound emotional worth, but that’s not all there is to it. They perform a certain invisible job, being a type of Set & Setting which acts on a higher octave to that which we share in ordinary life. Now, everything is ready, and the space is pure.

It begins!

It was almost 11 when I consumed that strange magic mushroom and lemon cream, too thick to drink despite the added water. In the end, the only way I managed to eat it was with a spoon, all the while trying to swallow without tasting it too much. It was really a lot: equal to the “standard” heroic dose for four people. Finishing it was a real test of will in itself. What could I have done with the rest? Just leave it there?

I also added some water to the container and rinsed it well in order to not waste a drop. I drank everything. Then I quietly got onto my back and waited.

After 15 minutes – I checked my timer – the effect started to take hold and I began to feel the familiar sensations that mark the beginning of every trip. I feel a sort of light electric current in my body, and colourful shapes appear behind my closed eyes. Thoughts become a little strange too, and there’s a sense of my thoughts being connected to all of the ones I felt during other experiences. Every time I seem to return to an already familiar place, which exists in the background of the ordinary world – almost always, I feel previous experiences being rekindled as if they have just finished. It doesn’t matter if whole months have passed between trips. As soon as the effect rises, I re-enter that dimension and recognise it straight away.

I perceive my body with more and more intensity; despite the vast quantity of mushrooms, I feel no discomfort or nausea. In my head, the taste and the flavour remains – it’s bearable, and not nearly as bad as I’d feared it would be considering the quantity. I try to find a comfy position but I can’t quite do it. I can’t decide whether to stay on my back or to sit up. Neither of the two options seems comfortable, and so in the end I remain where I am.

Fear of death

After maybe another ten minutes, the situation takes a rather different turn. Feeling an urgent need to reconnect with my body, I stand up immediately and take off my sweater, as if it were impeding me from breathing. I try to remember not to panic because, in reality, I’m still breathing. Two minutes – maybe more, maybe less – go by as I feel a powerful energy rise to my throat from the bottom of my heart: am I going to die? This is the first moment of fear.

I put my sweater back on and lie down. Almost immediately, I lose myself in a vortex of colours, literally disappearing into the sensation that invades every cell in my body. From there, I start to lose any sense of time – I’d say that at that point, I lose any worldly reference points at all. My only memory from this phase is the absence of air – or rather, the fear of the absence of air – and then it comes back to me, along with the fear of death. I get myself up and once more rip off my sweater to feel the atmosphere on my skin. I quickly start feeling better and lie down. I stay in my t-shirt but don’t realise this until hours later.

I wasn’t feeling any fear of death in itself, but I was afraid of the consequences of dying in these circumstances would have on the people I loved. This frightened me more than anything. It also pained me to think about all the unfinished projects I’d been working on, about leaving them behind. I realised that dying would even be a tragedy for the mushrooms, for whom I had written a book only to die because of them. I don’t know how I got through this moment, but it was a relief. Perhaps I relaxed a little too much, and then the mushrooms completely took over me. At this juncture, I don’t think 30 minutes had even passed since consumption.

The two moments of mortal fear marked the passage between this dimension and another, signalling my entrance into a place where the place I had come from no longer existed. Maybe I can explain a little better: I didn’t forget this reality – in fact, at some stages of the trip I knew that it existed – but I was no longer here. I was completely involved in and identifying with my existence elsewhere, while this reality was but a vague memory among all the others.

Fungi as an entheogen

I leave to journey through the universe. I become God, infinite joy; I am part of everything, and everything is a part of me – a classic example of the mystic experience. The mushroom now acts as a perfect entheogen and lends me the experience of passing through life and death. Now I understand how these are one in the same: it is an unending cycle and I am filled with ardent joy. This is where I scream and I’m almost certain I did so in the room where I found myself. Luckily, the room was well soundproofed, or else I’m sure someone might have heard and called an ambulance! My thoughts and my heart went out to everyone I love. A profound sense of connection of superhuman intensity transformed me into that which I can only describe as a flame of Love. Now that I’m writing this, I understand the ecstatic rapture of some of the saints. I was pure fire burning in splendid joy.

At that moment, I remember thinking: ‘I so wanted to know what came after death, and here I am’. This was the very moment in which I realised that I was tripping thanks to the mushrooms, and perhaps the only inkling I had during the whole experience. This vision of the other side lasted for a little while – obviously I don’t know how long exactly – as I witnessed a multitude of planes of reality, luminous, light, marvellous, including the one in which I am now writing this page.

Thought Loops

I am extracting the pieces – that’s the best way I can think to describe it – but after that “divine” phase, the thought loops began. I had never experienced this particular phenomenon  outside subtle hints of it at high doses, which I had snuffed out immediately, but this time the loops were so strong that the prospect of controlling them didn’t even come to mind. They were my reality, total and absolute.

My loop was a series of thoughts running in circles around life and death, concerning the creation of reality and infinite existences. Everything was accelerated, fast as lightning with no sign of stopping. I believe that madness would look something like this: one loses control of oneself, but it’s even more than loss – the mind takes hold of everything and the ability to do all the things that it does best becomes completely unhinged: imagine that, but at a level never before experienced.

Peek into the material world

While all of this was going on, I know I opened my eyes every once in a while. I don’t recognise where I am as everything seems altered; it’s as if everything has been split into tiny, bright, geometric pieces, a fine reticulation which constitutes everything, iridescent. I remember thinking just how beautiful it all was. Every time I opened my eyes I was somewhere different. I deduced that I’d moved around a lot physically during my internal trip. I say “deduced” now: in that moment, there was no knowing where I was. Every time the place, shapes and colours around me seemed alien. I recognised nothing. I was seeing everything broken down into different planes, as one does when looking at a Picasso painting but sharper, more shaded, multidimensional and coloured.

Incarnation

Here the stage of confronting physical matter began. I know I was realising why matter exists in order to create consciousness, and so the suffering intrinsic to matter but be accepted and “elevated” because it can become an asset. I was seeing with clarity just how good and bad can be not only necessary but complementary to one another.

Words aren’t much good here, but right then and there I was a happy soul to undergo the trials of the material world. I felt how life’s hard edges help us grow, like an obstacle which transforms into a tool you can raise yourself up on to go onto the next. The force of gravity brings us down to earth attached to the soil. Otherwise, in every sense, we would simply disperse into the aether.

Matter is an incredible training ground. It dawned on me then – and to me this was evident – how this training could only be performed here on Earth. Once you’re disembodied you won’t be able to confront yourself, and so our evolution takes place on Earth alone, the pain of it being the first contact one has with this dense dimension. Evolution is the transmutation of that pain.

Mushrooms as a psychedelic

At a certain point, everything became a cosmic game. The rules were constantly evolving, and I was able to use these to ascend to higher levels as I experienced them and welcomed them into my consciousness. It was all much more articulate and wonderful than how I write it – again, I can find no adequate method to recount the experience – but it was a thing of great beauty. I found myself falling, rising, falling, rolling, doing backflips like an incredible manifestation of energy performing in a sports contest. I was in Heaven, and as you can easily imagine I was in the throes of great joy.

From Heaven to Hell

My Heaven came to an abrupt end; in an instant, I returned to normal, as if someone had flicked a switch. I look at the time. It’s 3pm and my vision has returned to normal. I have come back into a normal state of consciousness and I’m a little tired, but I don’t yet realise that around 4 hours have passed since the start of my trip. Moreover, I don’t realise that 20 grams of mushrooms don’t let up after less than 4 hours – that kind of timeframe happens when you take a couple of little grams!

I hadn’t the faintest idea that I was still tripping!!!

I open the shutters and look around. In the harsh light of day my eyes are immediately met with total chaos, a cataclysm, a crazy mess of a world. I see a broken piece of furniture and all of its contents dispersed around the room, the curtains have been torn down and thrust onto the floor. I had no room to stand as my floor was so cluttered with clothes, boxes and pieces of paper – all destroyed, all broken. I had ruined my life.

Taken with sheer desperation, I sit and look at the desolation around me, continuing to tell myself that my life is over, that the only solution is to kill myself. I could already see the headlines in the local paper; the photo of the mess in my room published for all to see; journalists’ comments on “deadly drugs”. I’m not exaggerating when I say that I had never before felt such absolute anguish. It wasn’t just that I saw no other solution – dying was the only solution.

Then I thought of everything I loved and everyone who loved me. I was sort of trapped because dying wasn’t even an option. There was no escape; I would simply have to face the shame of what I had done. I felt sorry for myself to the point where I couldn’t face my own reflection. What should I do now? I can’t summon a single thought. My mind is completely locked into a black, black desperation.

Doing, without thought or desire

In a trancelike state, I gather my clothes, free up a corner and put them one on top of the other. I find a bin bag and throw out all the pieces of plastic that have been ripped out of my folder. They were spread all over the place. I collect various boxes and pieces of paper. I reassemble the piece of furniture that’s been thrown to the ground, which was bolted to the wall. I manage to reattach it and use it again despite the damage. I put everything back inside. Some books have fallen off the shelves (though I don’t know how) so I put them back too. Finally, I get out the hoover and clean everything.

It took me three long hours to put everything back in place, all the while telling myself that I’ve messed up, passing through moments of unspeakable despondency with tears in my eyes. Then all of a sudden, like an epiphany, I realise that everything is as it was before. Incredibly, nothing was destroyed except the curtains which were still on the floor as I had no ladder at hand – and climbing stairs didn’t seem too tempting. No harm had come to anyone or anything. Remember that I was still under the effects of 20 grams of dry mushrooms at this point, otherwise my mental and emotional state wouldn’t have made any sense. Why else would I have felt such despair?

Temporary damage

I was bathed in sweat, literally dripping, when I decided to go have a shower. I get naked and realise that both my arms are covered in bruises and scratches, as are my legs, my head, and my back. On top of that, one of my toes is completely purple. I’m not in pain, not yet, due to the powerful analgesic effect of psilocybin. Only later did I start to feel like I’d been battered all over.

The end of the experience

It wasn’t until around 2am that night that the effects waned enough for me to fall asleep, 11 whole hours after I’d thought it had ended (and 15 hours after consumption). I passed the night on a sofa, hardly able to distinguish myself from the comfortable cushions. I stayed suspended like that for quite some time, mind active but calm at last. My body meanwhile seemed to be sleeping. The hours I spent waiting for slumber breezed by as I had never felt comfier in all my life.

What to say now? First and foremost, the fungus has well and truly confronted me with the fear of death and the value of life – twice. In addition, I’ve been taken on a voyage with God, who showed me Paradise and finally thrust me into the Hell that is the material world. What truth can one find in all of that?

The importance of integration

This is a job I must do, remembering and integrating this powerful experience, from which I thought I might not get out of alive. I might sound like I’m being dramatic here, but I’m really not – it was part of the experience the fungus had wanted me to live through. My personal ceremony developed in two phases: the visionary segment, and that which involved confronting ordinary reality. The lesson to learn developed in passing through these two experiences, and now I must come to some useful conclusions.

Losing control

In any other experience – with the very strong Salvia Divinorum being an exception – I’d never lost contact with material reality like that. No matter how strong the trip was, a part of me always remained aware of its interaction with the ordinary reality we share on the material plane.

This time I had done things of which I had no idea. I hadn’t even a glimmer of those moments in which I’d dismounted my furniture or torn down the curtains. I couldn’t connect those things with what I’d been experiencing inside. Unlike what had clearly happened in the room – and how I wish I’d installed a camera to watch those 4 hours back – I had never lost consciousness on the inside, even if I can’t quite narrate everything that happened to me I know that I’d been present throughout – even if my base software had been overwritten by that of the mushrooms.

In other words: I was conscious of myself, even if that consciousness had no trace of its ordinary state – not one iota. I had literally transcended the bounds of space and time, cognisant – once or twice – of the fact that I was being gifted the privilege of visiting the other side. And this was the biggest understanding, and the truest, that I gleaned from this trip. Meanwhile, nothing had remained of my perception of ordinary reality but a few scattered fragments. I now know that death does not exist and that life has no beginning and no end. I know this, I experienced this, without a shadow of a doubt.

Truth and illusion

That being said, I know that not everything we see is true – this is probably the matter I’ve reflected on the most. So to successfully arrive at a moment of “truth” I’ll need to understand what is real and what isn’t. After the experience, but also while under the mushrooms’ effects, I continued to think I am what I am because living on Earth entails having to fulfil certain needs: breathing, nutrition, sleep, relaxation, work… These are all needs which orientate us and give us purpose, which define who we are and what we do in every living moment.

Rainbows, which seem real but are not, come to mind. When one appears, everyone in the vicinity will see it from a different perspective. Their existence is dependent on transient factors like humidity, the coincidence of sun rays, and where the observer is standing. It’s a perfect metaphor, really, for our perception of reality. Change the conditions, and you change the rainbow too – you can even make it disappear.

But if this life isn’t as we think it is, who are we? What do we do now? What sense can we make of it? And what is it that allows us to be? I myself now feel a desire to do things (like writing this account of my experiences, for example), but if you’re on the other side, where the physical dimension doesn’t exist, what can you do? What would my existence be if released from the world’s illusions? How would I pass the time if there is no time to pass and no “me” to pass it?

Death

As I’ve written in my book, the death we understand is that of the physical body, but this is not the only body which constitutes us. Our other bodies (astral, mental, causal, and more) actually survive this event. In that moment of “death” our consciousness is moved and identified with the densest body at its disposal: the so-called Astral Body. This is also sometimes called the Body of Desire and forms the seat of our emotions.

It’s easy to understand in what world one will find personal awareness from the physical plane when they pass into the astral one: instantly, a reality which is the mirror for what you are manifests around you.

Our experience on the astral plane doesn’t change much with regards to where we are now in the physical world. Some people are already aware that this reality is nothing but a mirror, that it’s the illusory fruit of our projections. For millennia, Buddhism for example has affirmed that everything around us is impermanent and illusory… Therefore, something that is real and true does exist, but we cannot see it because we’re dreaming. We are now living in a dream exactly as it will be in the astral plane, and after. Once the astral body dies our consciousness will pass and will identify itself in the Mental Body.

In that moment, we will experience Heaven, which in Buddhism is known as Devachan, a place of transitory happiness in which we stay before re-entering the cycle of rebirth. It’s a temporary housing and absolutely illusory – a type of small-town vacation happiness in which we create our own personal Paradise. Once it has ended we find ourselves once again experiencing life on the physical plane.

There you have it, my attempt to recount my lived experience of the other side in a comprehensible manner.

The entheogenic and psychedelic mushroom

One part of my trip was pure Love and Beauty, and I believe that this was probably the only “real” part of the experience – contact with something that exists other than the veil of Maya. This was the “entheogenic” part of the mushroom; the rest was purely psychedelic, a projection which was in part astral and in part mental. Even the supposed re-entry into normality after 15 hours was psychedelic. What I saw was a huge mess, but it was by no means the end. In fact, I put it back together and if something was broken I could fix or replace it. This helped confirm to me that our reality in its entirety is psychedelic. For a deeper dive into this, I invite you to read this article.

The time of recuperation and understanding

Almost three days have passed since my trip. All that happened and everything I saw hasn’t quite yet settled in my mind. Only yesterday did I cease telling myself Oh God, I’ve messed up and That was a lucky escape. I mean, I know I was lucky, but the related anxiety I first felt upon seeing that room in the light of day has finally dissipated.

My initial intent prior to the ceremony has found at least a partial answer. I’ve been a joyous soul in fact to return to the material world, ready to take on anything necessary to play my part.

I was born with the sun in Taurus. This means that the material – the very Earth itself – is the element of my sign. And in order to feel safe, Taureans like to construct something concrete. This is true for the primordial (or “primitive”) Taurus, but in evolutionary ascension this sign must overcome the need for security via material things. After all, needing security to feel good implies fear. Why would I want to feel safe if there was nothing to hide from? Victory over such fear can be derived from an instantaneous understanding or, more easily, be the result of a long-running process. I am grappling with this process still, but with trust and Taurean tenacity by my side.

I started to confront my fear many years ago, when I chose freedom over security. This decision led to me comparing possible freedom and no safety, until I understood that the middle ground – on this Earth at least – requires a balance between the two. Freedom supported by nothing concrete is worth nothing – it’s impossible to do and truly be free. The things we need to do cost money, after all.

The meaning of life

This trip has shown me just how intrinsically linked this Earthly existence is to pain, making me suffer through the moment of my birth anew. Pain is not the problem, however. The problem is the desire to be elsewhere – the refusal of what really is. And so accepting the pain (in conjunction with self-observation) will allow us to transmute and use it for our evolution. Only through an encounter between Spirit and Matter can Consciousness come to life.

Perhaps I already understood all of this in one way or another, but there’s nothing like direct experience to make it really sink in. In other words, one must take to heart what one knows in one’s head to really and truly own that understanding.

In conclusion

Would I do this all over again? How could I say no? I did it, didn’t I?! But doing it now with 20 grams would be somewhat different. For one, the Set & Setting I’d want if I were to redo it would be difficult for me to obtain – so no, I’m not about to go for round two. To be frank, I wouldn’t advise anyone to do it as it’s simply too dangerous without the right environment and the presence of a specialist. The “ideal trip sitter” is all well and good but a real shaman would be far better. Only he or she can really understand what you’re going through and will be able to protect you throughout. I’m sure that in that case, you’ll get home safe and dry.

In the absence of these conditions, I always have the option to use lower doses. Of course, the issue of adequate Set & Setting always remains if one wants to avoid the possibility of completely losing control of one’s physical interactions with one’s environment. Everyone’s limits are different, but you must never surpass the point at which things become dangerous. After all, in doing so you’ll not only be playing with your own life, but with the lives of the people you love.

I realised that 8 grams more than the 12 I was familiar with were an excessive increase – make sure you don’t make the same mistake. While winning the lottery is rare, the turtle from Aesop’s fairytale, as we know, beats the race against the hare.

I love Sacred Mushrooms. Therefore, I always practice respect and complete trust when they’re involved. I’m humbled to have met them, because they have changed my life for the better overall, but also because they’ve prompted temporary yet major awakenings in the here and now, leaving my heart brimming with joy. If I had received even just this one gift alone, I don’t know how I could ever repay them. I am forever grateful.

I suppose that sharing my experience here is my way of reciprocating all the gifts life bestows upon me in every moment, including this moment right now.

Please, read WARNINGS

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8 thoughts on “02.02.2020 – 20 grams – A Voyage to the Other Side

  1. Wow that’s amazing, I’m pleased your safe after that, would be great to know what a normal trip felt like after taking a dose like that

    1. Hi Wayne, forgive the delay! After that experience I have not exceeded 5 dry grams but I have never been afraid. I have not experienced any differences compared to the same doses I took before the strong 20 gram journey, I think instead there could be differences if I ever want to try to take 20 grams again, having more psychedelic experience makes a lot of difference!
      More experience and a good sitter, this is to get closer to those depths, maybe one day I’ll try again, maybe!
      Someone says that trips with mushrooms change after an intense experience with 5-meo-dmt, I think I will have to tell about this, I need some time before I can tell what happens, I am only at the beginning and with 5 -meo I just slightly touched his strength!

  2. Thank you so much for this article i need to read this after last night lemon tek 20g tea. I did it with arrogance, and the Cambodian sure humbled me down. The most likely DMT experience, even with all my knowlege that it would go over and i would come back to my body, it still covinced me that i was dying and losing my mind, to the point where i had to make a decision that i need it and ambulance, and later on the realization that was not able to manipulate my phone in orther to do so. The thought of taking my life to make it stop crossed my mind continued by the thought that it might not even helped and it would go on as i might have been allready dead. By my fortune i was able to call almost like a miracle the mother of my children who came to my rescue and took care of me like a nurse, it felt like she safe my life. it was a 3-4 hours journey but i lived a whole life time where i faced all my fears in the this world. When i woke up i could not believe i got my life back and i was completely sane like it was all a dream.

    1. I also believe this dose is very similar to the DMT experience, but mushrooms stimulate our emotions and mind a lot more.
      Your experience also confirms the absolute need for a good sitter to be present, because if thoughts of death start to arrive it’s very dangerous to be alone. I have faith in mushrooms, but this must not allow us to be careless: always set & setting plus the sitter.
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts

  3. Greetings to all
    Thank you for sharing these fragments of your experience. I am fully aware of the difficulty in trying to express in a few short words the enormity of the journey.
    Even at doses of 7/8 grams it’s like riding
    An atomic explosion into consciousness.
    Unlike the great geographical explorers of history psyconauts rarely share their truths
    With more than one or Two close friends.
    I recently was able to also witness my birth
    And saw the initial damage Done to my neck
    Which has plagued me for years.
    The beings who were guiding me told me
    What was needed, I was able to instruct my chiropractor as to where to pull and my pain
    ‘At least the sharp pain” ended.
    Curious you have no mention of any entities
    In your travels.
    Until my first Nantucket sleigh ride on 7g
    I did not believe in aliens ,now I know differently .
    The challenge is integrating the experience into every day life knowing you cannot change anything in the universe except yourself and your perceptions.
    I have found that for me the right music on good headphones with eyes covered help shape the trypt
    Try Highway rider by Brad Mehldau
    Also after lemon teking your dose
    You do not need to eat the chitin
    Use a metal strainer to remove liquid
    Keep exploring and sharing the love you find
    Peace

    1. Dear Michael thank you!
      I have not talked about entities in this article, I have written about them in my book, there you will find some useful information. You say well, you can change the universe if you change yourself, this is the opportunity that magic mushrooms offer us.
      Thank you for reporting that song, I will gladly listen to it, if you have my book please go to the pages after the bibliography, there is a surprise that I am sure you will like very much. All the best

  4. Thank you for that love and light you’ve sent us with this intense, yet beautiful account of your sacred ceremony. I’m truly humbled from the words of a true psychonaut. I appreciate you and ok grateful that you were safe in the end. I’m glad I read this. I believe it has made me brave enough to try my first heroic dose. I recently did 2.5 g lemon tek and it was great but also challenging. The only reason I haven’t done more is out of fear that the lemon tek method doubles the strength. Thanks to your advice I now realize that’s just a rumor. Here’s to the journeys ahead😁💥💫🌟💪

    1. Dear Paul, thank you. Reading what you wrote I thought that the music in this phase of discovery can help you much more than the silence of the heroic journey. If 2.5 grams were challenging, then 5 grams would be better if they waited a little longer. If you have read my book you can see the last page, it is right at the bottom, and so I invite you to write to me because I have a selection of inspired music that will help you navigate through what has challenged you. All the best!

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